Intelligence

“Intelligence has been defined in many different ways including logic, abstract thought, understanding, self-awareness, communication, learning, having emotional knowledge, retaining, planning, and problem solving”

What is intelligence? Like honestly. by our society it’s defined and measured by the grades we receive from exams. By friends, it’s mostly based on how much knowledge we have in terms of what it is we know in life. So to speak, how much experience you have which is why we go to certain people to ask for help and see what it is they done wrong so then we don’t do it ourselves no? Then there’s the topic of intelligence measured by your parents and family members. I personally am from an Asian background, therefore my intelligence is based on the grades I get. I’m not saying this is the same for every other Asian, but within my family it is what it is and honestly? It’s a damn shame. This being because, I recently failed my A-Levels. It was my first year, so yes I can re-take but I was so determined and constantly strived to be the best throughout this year so that I wouldn’t have too but apparently… It wasn’t enough. The grades I received were three U’s and one C. Meaning, I failed three of my subjects and passed the one. The subjects at the moment do not matter, I will post about that another time. However, the thing that has not left me for these whole two weeks is that… Am I dumb? Am I really this stupid. Firstly, I’m completely unaware as to how I managed to gain THREE U’s. I just I have questioned my intelligence a lot and by doing so I have questioned everything about myself. Since results day, I have completely changed and a become a person who is less confident, constantly thinking negatively, putting myself down and and not opening up or speaking to anyone as much as I used too.  I have contemplated suicide. Is this normal? I don’t think so. My head hurts, and I haven’t slept in over two weeks now. I really don’t know what it is that I should but I feel so pathetic.

I am aware that my grades aren’t the end of the world, but in a sense it feels like it is. I have parents who moved from Pakistan, to England just so there kids could make something of themselves and ever since they moved here. They’ve hated every minute of it. Not to mention, the fact that the prime reason they moved here in the first place was so we could have better chance of an education than they ever did. Yet somehow, we’ve managed to mess it all up. I just don’t know what it is that’s wrong with me because I work so hard yet everything I do it always seems to amount to nothing. I used to just, think positively and be like “hey yeah, next time I’ll work harder” but really I worked my ass off and yet I still failed. I know people who didn’t even revise and they at least achieved D’s that’s still a pass. Then here I am, constantly working, revising, reading and let’s not forget failing.

I’m sorry for such a depressing post, but I just needed to get it off my chest which is why I made this blog and I’d just like to reinforce that this is all me my personal opinions and stuff. I’m not saying it’s everyone it’s just how I feel ha.

Peace & Love
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